We live in a culture that rewards achievement and self-criticism. Being kind to yourself can feel indulgent or even weak. But research shows that self-compassion actually builds resilience and helps people cope better with life’s difficulties. In this post, we’ll look at what self-compassion really means and how to practise it.
What is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion means treating yourself with kindness when things go wrong - the way you might treat a good friend. It’s not about making excuses or lowering your standards. It’s about responding to struggle with understanding rather than harsh criticism.
Self-love is related but slightly different. It’s about recognising your own worth, not because you’ve earned it through achievement, but simply because you exist.
How is it Different from Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem often depends on how we’re doing - succeeding, looking good, being liked. It can be fragile. Self-compassion, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to be special or successful. It’s there even when we fail.
Why Does It Help?
Research by Dr Kristin Neff and others shows that self-compassion is linked to:
- Lower levels of anxiety and depression
- Greater emotional resilience
- Better ability to cope with difficult life events
- Healthier relationships
People who practise self-compassion tend to bounce back faster from setbacks, partly because they’re not wasting energy beating themselves up.
How to Practise Self-Compassion
Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT), developed by Professor Paul Gilbert, offers practical ways to build self-compassion:
- Notice when you’re being hard on yourself. What would you say to a friend in the same situation?
- Remind yourself that struggle is part of being human. Everyone fails, makes mistakes, and feels inadequate sometimes.
- Try mindfulness - noticing your thoughts and feelings without judging them.
- Look after yourself physically. Rest, movement, and connection all matter.
- If self-criticism runs deep, therapy can help. Sometimes we need support to change patterns that have been with us for years.
A Different Way of Relating to Yourself
Self-compassion isn’t about pretending everything is fine or letting yourself off the hook. It’s about creating the conditions where you can actually grow - because it’s hard to learn and change when you’re constantly under attack from your own mind.
If you’d like to explore this further, our Clinical Psychologists are trained in Compassion-Focused Therapy and can help you develop a kinder relationship with yourself.
